Maybe you have been wrecked in a relationship or your marriage. What was once bliss and a source of tranquility smashed up on the rocks. Somewhere, you don’t really know where, a fork in the road appeared: you went right and she went left. And now you are trying to find your way back, trying to find your way back to a place of stability; needing forgiveness, needing to forgive, needing hope.
Perhaps your wrecked experience has been your career. Your work defined who you were. It gave your life purpose. Then, one day, it was gone. Maybe you stepped down in a graceful manner not torching any boats or bridges, maybe you were handed the dreaded pink-slip, maybe you strapped on a proverbial flame thrower and toasted everything and everyone in site bent on going down in a flaming spectacle! Whatever the reason, you have been wrecked.
Maybe in some other way, your life simply got turned upside down. Perhaps there was a major family crisis, a spiritual crisis, or a health crisis. You got wrecked. Your future no longer looks clear. Your plans have become obsolete.
We all have had wrecked experiences. Some may have been handed to us, others we may have initiated. Why would we initiate a wrecked experience? Hunger. We hunger for meaning. Something is missing, we may not know what that is, but our soul does and this is why we may do some seemingly irrational things.
We all get to a point where we either feel numbed to everything around us or we feel decimated, hopeless, and uncertain about the future. That’s when it’s time to rebuild, to find our way back from being wrecked.
So how is this done? How does one find their way back to some state of “normal” and “stable?” Let’s be honest here, we all like the predictable and the reliable. These characteristics are what we really strive for in relationships, work, health, and family. These things have something in common. Commitment. Yes, commitment.
You see, after you have had your wrecked experience you need to commit. You must commit to pulling out of the tail spin, you must commit to a purpose, reconnect with meaning, and take action. You need to regroup and commit: Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This commitment may not necessarily take you back to precisely the way things were before, but this commitment to a new future WILL pull you out of the wrecked state.
Commitment may seem abstract even though we all know what it means. However, think of commitment used here as a contract, a contract with yourself.
What does this contract look like? Think of the elements of contracts: definitions, descriptions, timelines, payoffs and consequences. This puts some solid handles around the first step you need to take in order to emerge from your wrecked state: making a contract with yourself.
So what does YOUR contract with yourself look like? Write it out. Don’t delay in taking this important action. Make it formal if you must and have someone hold you accountable. When you have had enough of your wrecked state, have no fear, you will do what is important in order to recover.
If you are ready to find your way back from being wrecked, taking this action by making a contract with yourself will get you moving in the right direction!
(This post inspired by Jeff Goins’ book, Wrecked)